The Moment That I Saw You Cry
by Jenny111
Summary: Based on the motion picture,
1. Landon

Amber_18's "A Walk To Remember" Fan Fiction  
  
"The Moment That I Saw You Cry"  
  
"Hey handsome," Jamie breathed as I came in room. I had my arm behind my back as I came in the room. She was looking worse. Her skin was pale and she had lost thirty pounds since our wedding day. She was slender to begin with, so her light blue pajamas hung from her body and her wedding ring slid off her finger without any force. Her eyes were red and her brown hair was braided on the pillow. She smiled as I came near her and kissed her on her forehead. Her skin still smelt like fresh cream.  
  
"I got you something," I said as I pulled a white rose from behind my back. She didn't smile very big, but the room still brightened. Her eyes scrunched like they always did. My heart felt joyous every time she smiled.  
  
Thank you, baby," Jamie said as she slightly raised her hand to take the flower. It took her a few seconds to grasp it and she brought it to her face to smell it. I sat next to her and intertwined my fingers with hers. She squeezed it slightly and looked at me with her brown eyes. Her big brown eyes.  
  
"How are you feeling today?" I asked. She pulled her lips together and opened her mouth to speak. She took a little breath and starts to answer my question.  
  
"I love you," She said and then a tear slid from her eye. "I thank God every second that you found me."  
  
A large lump formed in my throat and I tried to swallow but I couldn't. My eyes started to fill up with tears and I looked away. She didn't need to see me cry. I put my left hand up to my face and tried to take a big breath. But they still came, still slipped down my cheeks.  
  
"You can cry, Landon. It's alright," Jamie said as she rubbed my hand and turned her head.  
  
All I could do was cry. I cried until my eyes couldn't move because they were so swollen and dry. My face was probably so red by the time I finished and I couldn't breathe because I was crying so hard.  
  
"I love you, even if you cry," Jamie said slowly as I was calming down. "You don't need to be tough, baby."  
  
"I'm going to lose you," I said, wiping my face.  
  
"I'm going to be watching over you, every minute every second," Jamie said as she smiled.  
  
"I need you here with me," I said.  
  
"I will be with you," Jamie said as her breath started to go slowly. "I just can't hold you and tell you I love you. I'll be with the wind. You won't see me but you'll feel me. And you'll see me again, I'm sure of it."  
  
I didn't say anything, but tried to calm down. I took my hand from my face and rubbed her little hand in mine. By the time, I was breathing normally I look toward her and she was smiling and breathing slowly. Then her lips started to move and the sound coming out of them was slow but beautiful, like a flute in perfect pitch.  
  
"I know now you're my only hope...." She couldn't finish the song, but fell asleep while I was holding her hand. I heard her breath and her chest rose and fell rapidly. I laid my head on her bed and although I had calmed down, I started to cry again. 


	2. Reverend Sullivan

Amber_18's Fan Fiction "A Walk to Remember"

"The Moment I Saw You Cry"

Chapter Two

Jamie didn't die that afternoon in her room. Two weeks after she saw me cry for the first time, she was still with us, but barely. She lost another seven pounds and her skin was as white as her starched sheets. I tried to make her feel as comfortable as possible, although her pain was unbearable to watch most of the time. The nurses stopped treatment a week ago and now, Jamie, Reverend Sullivan, and myself were all alone here. She couldn't get out of bed, so I had to carry her when she needed to go to the bathroom and I served her every meal in her bed. I read to her at night, I stayed by her side, except for a couple hours in the morning. She needed time with God, to pray and read the word, and I left her alone. Most of that time, I got a couple hours of sleep or went to the store to get something for her. Jamie was my life, my world, and my wife. 

That day in August wasn't a special one in particular. I woke up early in the morning from the couch. Unlike the first weeks of our marriage, I didn't sleep in bed with Jamie. She was so weak that if I moved any time during the night, I was afraid that it would add to her discomfort in some way. 

I went to the kitchen to prepare a breakfast for Jamie. She loved orange juice, so I would strain it every morning for her. I made her dry toast and put a little jam on it. She usually couldn't eat more than one slice, but I brought two up anyway, in case she was hungry that day. 

I looked around the corner, and Reverend Sullivan was working on a sermon, looking through papers and writing things down on a legal pad. Since Jamie's been getting worse, he became a workaholic, working all hours of the night and the day as well. A couple times, I saw him in Jamie's room, in the middle of the night, just watching her sleep.

Reverend Sullivan turned his head in my direction and I jumped when his glance hit me. I almost ran up the stairs to Jamie's room. Although, I was married to his daughter, I still had an irrational fear of him. He scared me in my childhood and he scares me now.

"Landon Carter," He said in his firm Southern accent. I poked my head around the doorframe and he saw me. "What are you doing, boy?"

I tried to swallow the large lump in my throat. I spoke in a very low voice; "I was just seeing what you were doing, Reverend."

"Come, sit here," Reverend said, as he pointed to a chair across from him. I walked over to the chair and sat down. Reverend's stare bore into my skull. It felt like a drill. 

"What is it, sir?" 

"I regret how I treated Jamie's mother before she died. I loved Jamie's mother more than anything," Reverend Sullivan said as he took off his glasses and wiped his eyes. He held the bridge of his nose, trying to stop his crying. 

"It's okay, Reverend," I tried to tell him. "I'm sure she knew that you loved her."

"I should've told her every hour, every second that I loved her. That is my biggest regret." He put his head down toward his legal pad.

I sat silent and watched the man deteriorate. I saw him almost everyday around Beaufort, either at the one Safeway in town or at church on Sundays. He was always this larger than life figure and now I was seeing the man behind the image for the first time. He was vulnerable, crying in front of me. 

"Jamie's still here, Reverend," I said. "You can tell her every hour that you love her. Maybe, it'll make up for what you didn't say for her mother."

"You don't understand," The reverend said as he looked up at me, with water-filled eyes. "The Lord is taking away Jamie and he already taken away my Leah. What more can I take, Lord?"

"It's okay," I said as I stood up and walked to Reverend Sullivan. I didn't know what I was doing but I wrapped my arms around his neck. And soon, his arms wrapped around my back. He started to cry uncontrollably. He was crying to two hours until he had a meeting with one of the church members.


	3. Jamie

Amber_18's Fan Fiction "A Walk to Remember"

"The Moment That I Saw You Cry"

Chapter Three

Jamie was getting worse day by day. Yesterday, she could barely open her eyes without groaning in pain. I didn't know what to do. She was everything I ever hoped for. I've never prayed before I met Jamie and every night before I fall over from exhaustion, I ask for a miracle. I ask for Jamie to live. Jamie's in so much pain, I don't know if He could even help her out. 

I was sitting in a chair next to Jamie's bed when she woke up. My head was clouded with thoughts, going too fast for me to distinguish between all the ideas. Jamie was no longer Jamie. She was suffering and she rarely spoke anymore. I wasn't sure if she heard me when I read the bible to her at night. I hadn't seen her brown eyes in two days and my eyes watered at the sight of her eyelashes fluttering. I reached for her hand and touched it softly and she clasped my hand. She turned her head slowly toward me and smiled slightly. Water filled my eyes and one tear slid down my cheek. I loved her so much.

"Hey honey," She breathed as she settled her glance on my face. I leaned forward and kissed her on her forehead. "This is how I wanted it to be like."

"What Jamie?" I asked as I smoothed her hair away from her face. 

"Death," She said, her lips pressed together in a serious face. She didn't take her eyes away from me and watched for my expression.

"Don't give up," I said, as a few tears squeezed from my eyes. "I need you here. You can't go, I won't let you." I leaned my forehead against the mattress of the bed. She raised her hand slowly to my hair and smoothed it out. 

"It's time," Jamie breathed. 

"Why can't you stay with me one more day?"

"If I see you one more day, I will want to live forever. God wants me with him. Please," She breathed, but there was a difference in her voice. I looked up and she was crying. I only saw her cry once. She was always so strong and sturdy. She was my strong Jamie. "Don't be mad at me. I need to go knowing you love me."

I looked up. Her face was wet and the soft light caught the shine. Suddenly, a feeling came over me, an easiness that I never felt before. God had given me my answer. He wasn't going to let me keep her. My tears stopped as I touched her face and let her eyelashes tickle my fingertips. 

"I love you," I said. 

Her eyes closed slowly and her fingers relaxed. Her head dropped a little more down the pillow and her lips opened slowly. Her cross necklace shifted and the crucifix landed on the pillow. 


	4. Beaufort 1

Amber_18's Fan Fiction "A Walk to Remember"

"The Moment That I Saw You Cry"

Chapter 4

My wife died on September 12, 1996. She was eighteen years old. 

She was a member of the Red Cross. She loved stars and witnessing nature's miracles. She was a part of the Drama Club for four years. On the weekends, she was Andrea's tutor and helped her get straight A's in all of her classes. A group of people, myself included, made fun of her in school. But she still smiled and walked with her head high. The days before her death, everyone that had scrutinized her came by and apologized. She told every one of them that she had forgiven them before they came through her door. She loved to read. 

She was a part of the First Baptist Church of Beaufort choir. Some people thought her voice sounded like an angel. She wrote music and frequently performed her songs of prayer in church. She was her father's pride and joy. She graduated with honors. She was the only beauty in my life and made me want to be a better person. I loved her more than I thought I could love another person. She mended my relationship with my father, she gave me goals and she showed me that God works in mysterious ways. He brought Jamie to me, to change me. Then He yanked her away. 

Her funeral was on the weekend after her death. We notified the funeral parlor the day after she passed away and they took her from the coroner's office. She was dressed in a white dress with long sleeves and a v-neck. They painted some blush on her cheeks, some mascara on her lashes. The make-up artist put a little gloss on her lips. Her long brown hair was curled, like in the play. The day before her funeral when she was on display in the parlor, I stayed all day. I tried to memorize every mole, every curve of her cheeks and how many lashes she had on every eyelid. I squinted, as to freeze her image in my mind. For a couple hours, I couldn't stop staring at her wedding ring. I looked at mine and then at hers. 

I loved her so much. But it was just her body lying there in the parlor. I didn't see Jamie; it was just her body. Her smile wasn't there, her dark brown eyes that seemed to glow wasn't there. She couldn't tell me she loved me. 

Her funeral was on a Saturday. That day I woke up, not from a deep sleep but from a rest. I hadn't been able to sleep soundly for a month. The suit I was supposed to wear was hanging up from a chair. I was at home again. I looked around, trying to stop myself from wishing. I wished that this were the day after I committed the prank. I wished I could go to school, get ordered to do the play and tutor. But, I was going to her funeral. 

I dressed in the black suit and shiny black shoes. I put a little gel in my hair. I straightened my black tie and I walked down the stairs. My mother was dressed in black also. She was placing two plates on either side of the table. As I turned the corner, my father was sitting there.

I stepped back. I was in amazement. My parents hadn't been in the same room since the divorce. 

"Hi, Landon," My father said as he stood up and stepped toward me, unsure if he should give me a hug or not. I stepped toward him too and wrapped my arms around my dad. I tried to hold back the tears, remembering the last time I hugged him. I was so distraught over Jamie and I still was. I swallowed the lump in my throat as I sat down at the table.

"Hi, honey," My mom said as she scooped some eggs on to my plate. I raised my hand to stop her from putting them on my plate.

"No, thanks."

"Honey, you have to eat. You haven't eaten a descent meal since Reverend Sullivan took you to the steak house and forced you to eat a prime rib meal by putting the fear of God into you. Do I have to use the line, Landon?"

"No, Mom. I already know that Jamie would want me to eat and be healthy. I'm just not hungry."

"Son," My father said as his hard stare looked at me. "You must eat something. If you don't eat anything, you're going to feel worse than you already do. Eat some eggs, please."

I picked up my fork and took a couple bites of the eggs. As the food entered my mouth, I hadn't realized how long it had been since I ate last. I finished the plate and drank some orange juice. 

"It starts at noon. We should get going," My mother said as she grabbed her black coat and started toward the door. My father waited for me. He put his arm around me as we walked out the door toward his Mercedes. We climbed in and drove to the cemetery. It was the same cemetery that Jamie and I had spent so many hours gazing at stars and talking. She was going to be buried in the plot next to her mother. Before she died, I purchased a double plot next toward Reverend Sullivan's and Leah Sullivan's. When I died, I would be buried next to Jamie.

There were already a few people around the plot. I walked through the iron gates and the trees seemed to move in slow motion. The trees were already turning golden and red and the leaves flowed to the ground. I knew where Jamie's plot was; I find it with my eyes closed. I was going to be a pallbearer, along with my dad, Reverend Sullivan, Eric, Dean, and Eddie Zimmerhoff. It was eleven forty-five and not many people were here. I wanted Jamie to see from heaven that she was loved, that people cared to come to her funeral. Eric and Dean came through the iron gates with Belinda and Traci. They said nothing to me as they hugged me, one by one. Traci and Belinda both gave me kisses on my cheek. Five minutes before the funeral was supposed to start, I heard sound from the cemetery's parking lot. I looked up and saw fifteen cars pulling up. I saw classmates, townspeople, and teachers pulling up. There were about fifty people coming through the gates to witness the burial of my beloved. 

I smiled and tears filled my eyes. Each one greeted Reverend Sullivan and me. All of them gave me a hug. All the tutoring kids from Beaufort High's sister school came. Jamie deserved this. I looked over the hill and I saw the Hearst arrive. Everyone was silent as all the pallbearers walked in two uniformed lines toward the Hearst. We reached it and opened it. The coffin was white and glossy. My Jamie was in it. Each of us picked up a handle and walked toward the plot. We walked slowly, almost to keep Jamie with us longer. 

We placed the coffin on the stand and Reverend Sullivan took a position. 

"Thank you for coming. Landon and I are very grateful to all of you for coming and remembering my daughter, Jamie Elizabeth Sullivan Carter. Jamie was born on April 13, 1978 in Beaufort North Carolina…." My mind drifted away from what my father-in-law was saying. I thought about the first time that I saw her. I was in kindergarten, and this little girl with dark pigtails came in. She had bible quotes memorized and was always polite and considerate to everyone in the class. I remembered the first time I kissed her. I remember the first time I held her….


End file.
